#leadfromyoursoul #abundancemindset #mindsetmatters #successmindset#authenticleadership #evilasdeceit #peopleofthelie #evilleadership #emotionalblackmail#shadowleadership
Did you know that you can be anti-abundance?
you can even become an abundance repellent. How is that possible?
You can drive away abundance by engaging in or allowing the six faces of evil leadership. This article explores evil as deceit.
Have you ever gotten tangled in a web of deceit?
What is evil is deceit?
This evil presents as a form of self-absorption or narcissism. Self-absorption describes where someone’s energy and attention are focused on themselves. They are self-centered, and they know it. They are always preoccupied with their own needs and are not interested in others’ views, opinions, or well-being. In every interaction, their motives come from a frame of interest “what will I get out of this.” At the extreme end of the spectrum comes narcissism.
Narcissists are not only selfish and self-absorbed. They tend to lack empathy and the capacity for reflection and self-awareness to see how destructive behaviors affect others. Their archetype is that of a usurper with a strong desire to control, antagonize, and manipulate to reinforce their grandiose self-image. Characteristic features include a lack of empathy, entitlement, enormous ego, validation seeking, and egotism. Deceit is their primary tool for keeping up a righteous image which they defend aggressively and tenaciously at all costs. [1]
How does evil as deceit seep into our everyday life?
We see this deception in our everyday life at work and home. Those who use emotional blackmail and manipulation may be friends, colleagues, or family members. As you can imagine, evil as deception is hard to spot because it is insidious and can silently infiltrate our lives. These deceivers, or “the people of the lie,” as the psychiatrist Scott Peck calls them, are subtle and agile in their deceit, manipulation, and emotional blackmail.[4]
Symptoms of evil as deceit
Susan Forward mentions the six deadly symptoms of emotional blackmail [2]:
1. A demand: The deceiver wants something from you and is set in their course of action.
2. Resistance becomes evident when the person receiving the demand refuses the request.
3. Pressure: The manipulator pushes harder in response to the refusal or resistance.
4. Threats: With sustained resistance, the deceiver resorts to threatening their target with consequences such as ending the relationship, inflicting emotional pain and discomfort, or enticing them with promises of love for material rewards such as money or influence.
5. Compliance: This is when the target surrenders to the pressure of the manipulator.
6. Repetition: This process becomes a vicious cycle that reinforces unhealthy behavior patterns and keeps the two parties engaging in a deadly dance.
The role we play in evil as deceit
Acknowledging our role in deception or manipulation is essential because this kind of evil dynamic takes two. According to Johnson, “truly evil people are more likely to live in our neighborhoods than in our jails. They generally hide their true nature and appear normal and successful”. [3]
In contrast, healthy people trust their internal moral compass and surrender to a higher purpose. These people can only entrap us when we allow their destructive behavior. The deceiver’s tactics include words and actions that aim to derail and trap us in feelings of shame and guilt. We want to end this cycle, but we get tangled and outmaneuvered into the same dynamic every time.
How do we conquer evil as deceit?
The solution lies in accepting that there is more to people than meets the eye.
1. The first step is recognizing the warning signs, such as duplicity and defensiveness. For example, anyone who lies to embellish their self-image rejects feedback and always announces others are engaging in this evil.
2. The second step is to take responsibility for our role, knowing that we cannot change others, but we can change ourselves. Our lives become happier when we act confidently and self-affirmingly and set healthy limits.
3. The third step in conquering this evil is knowing we are in charge of our feelings. We need to recognize the insinuations of guilt the manipulators are trying to inspire us and avoid giving life to them.
4. Abandon the knee-jerk reaction and the manipulation, and respond from a place of wisdom, calm, and clarity.
5. Sometimes, the only viable course of action is to oust the manipulator from our lives.
How do you respond when others try to push your hot buttons?
In the face of deceit and manipulation, one can navigate the situation by reflecting on the following questions:
Ø When am I being selfish, and when am I faithful to my own wants and priorities?
Ø When am I giving into the “people of the lie,” and when am I being authentic to myself?
Reach out and connect!
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I empower busy and ambitious executives, business owners, and professionals to go from existing to living so they can gain clarity on their purpose, unlock their potential, and elevate their leadership. I am a doctor and a certified leadership coach credentialed by the International Coaching Federation; I have earned a master’s degree in organizational leadership and am a certified emotional resilience mentor and trainer. In addition, I have had the pleasure of establishing coaching relationships with leaders from 20 different organizations.
References
1. Darvasula, R. (2021, March 9). Selfish vs self-centered vs self-absorbed vs narcissist. What is the difference? Retrieved from Up journey: https://upjourney.com/selfish-vs-self-centered-vs-self-absorbed-vs-narcissist#
2. Forward, S., & Frazier, D. (2019). Emotional blackmail: When the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. New York, NY: Harper.
3. Johnson, C. E. (2015). Meeting the ethical challenges of leadership: Casting light or shadow. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE.
4. Peck, M. S. (1998). The people of the lie: The hope for healing human evil. New York, NY: Touchstone.
